I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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