I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
