Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
