she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
