I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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