I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
