I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
should my penis look like a turkey
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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