you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
