God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
