you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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