I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
