oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize