It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
