and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize