walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How external is "for external use only"?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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