I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
