yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
