That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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