I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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