Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just found puke in my bra..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
