When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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