i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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