there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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