i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
