The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We need a shit load of segways right now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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