Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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