Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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