thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
