Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the day after is always just damage control
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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