weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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