remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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