I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
