I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
