Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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