He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
