omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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