You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
