please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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