He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
