Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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