Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
