I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Life is so much better after having sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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