I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
