We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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