I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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