he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
