go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
