how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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