if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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