Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
