you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
