Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
