is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
