a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm at about main and main street
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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