She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
