I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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