Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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