white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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