Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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