Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
