it wasn't lemon gatorade
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
