This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
