I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
