SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
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Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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