she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How's work?
Spinning.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
