You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes