if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think i have two assholes
Dating After Heartbreak
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor