I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
