Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity

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  (586): Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity http://tfl.nu/negt
  Replies (1) Good night (1320) Bad night (504)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.

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  (202): Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around. http://tfl.nu/2wok
  Replies (7) Good night (531) Bad night (907)
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  (530): View more from California

  1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.

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  (530): 1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details. http://tfl.nu/vtyc
  Replies (34) Good night (1912) Bad night (475)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I wanna be on tlc

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.

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  (416): I wanna be on tlc (905): Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless. http://tfl.nu/gr13
  Replies (17) Good night (4247) Bad night (559)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.

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  (610): Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot. http://tfl.nu/czov
  Replies (19) Good night (4472) Bad night (966)
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  (510): View more from California

  I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.

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  (510): I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots. http://tfl.nu/tjxa
  Replies (1) Good night (833) Bad night (2701)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.

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  (712): They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some. http://tfl.nu/oeo3
  Replies (6) Good night (2686) Bad night (1432)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.

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  (+44): We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in. http://tfl.nu/xqye
  Replies (8) Good night (3759) Bad night (961)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.

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  (314): She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now. http://tfl.nu/r0t6
  Replies (13) Good night (2769) Bad night (824)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.

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  (701): Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring. http://tfl.nu/lp7n
  Replies (4) Good night (2117) Bad night (734)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

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  (+44): I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/7nti
  Replies (3) Good night (2370) Bad night (594)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.

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  (512): i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/a4iw
  Replies (11) Good night (770) Bad night (1738)
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  (951): View more from California

  Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.

  (1-951): View more from California

  Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.

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  (951): Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck. (1-951): Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician. http://tfl.nu/esvj
  Replies (10) Good night (1340) Bad night (417)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.

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  (720): Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid. http://tfl.nu/ckk0
  Replies (2) Good night (789) Bad night (195)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Wear something tight

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  (361): Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick" (517): Wear something tight http://tfl.nu/ryqo
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (192)

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