I showed him my bush... on skype.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?