Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music