Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl

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  (313): I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl http://tfl.nu/zim9
  Replies (2) Good night (878) Bad night (1269)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.

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  (214): they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids. http://tfl.nu/ux66
  Replies (18) Good night (1198) Bad night (2773)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes

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  (817): Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes http://tfl.nu/2z3z
  Replies (44) Good night (1013) Bad night (4321)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.

  (925): View more from California

  "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.

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  (541): mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up. (925): "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking. http://tfl.nu/v25q
  Replies (3) Good night (2937) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress

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  (774): I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress http://tfl.nu/bwko
  Replies (6) Good night (2142) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.

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  (512): I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time. http://tfl.nu/q10l
  Replies (3) Good night (2320) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa

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  (706): It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa http://tfl.nu/ahu3
  Replies (7) Good night (2301) Bad night (1280)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away

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  (763): My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away http://tfl.nu/xlij
  Replies (5) Good night (2148) Bad night (635)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left

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  (208): I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left http://tfl.nu/jhm7
  Replies (4) Good night (1141) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs

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  (905): Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs http://tfl.nu/mr8m
  Replies (18) Good night (1418) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms

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  (970): Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms http://tfl.nu/zzyw
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?

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  (206): How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!? http://tfl.nu/pijo
  Replies (4) Good night (769) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.

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  (515): Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind. http://tfl.nu/1wyd
  Replies (9) Good night (1786) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us

  (845): View more from New York

  I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god

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  (845): The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us (845): I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god http://tfl.nu/vq2q
  Replies (1) Good night (1080) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only

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  (647): You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only http://tfl.nu/xu5w
  Replies (11) Good night (484) Bad night (742)

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