So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad