just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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