Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life