Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle

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  (518): Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle http://tfl.nu/ebj2
  Replies (11) Good night (839) Bad night (2031)
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  (949): View more from California

  I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.

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  (949): I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying. http://tfl.nu/ychl
  Replies (4) Good night (1217) Bad night (1690)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss

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  (616): who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss http://tfl.nu/d23g
  Replies (43) Good night (9579) Bad night (809)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"

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  (225): I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed" http://tfl.nu/96g5
  Replies (5) Good night (813) Bad night (3631)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.

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  (706): Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate. http://tfl.nu/5lpe
  Replies (13) Good night (6138) Bad night (1256)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.

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  (613): Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big. http://tfl.nu/u6h6
  Replies (15) Good night (7175) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head

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  (908): All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head http://tfl.nu/0vd0
  Replies (5) Good night (2000) Bad night (1009)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

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  (903): Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere. http://tfl.nu/srvw
  Replies (9) Good night (3649) Bad night (951)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.

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  (210): so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail. http://tfl.nu/722m
  Replies (8) Good night (1689) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING

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  (517): I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING http://tfl.nu/fw3v
  Replies (8) Good night (1526) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward

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  (414): btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward http://tfl.nu/opuz
  Replies (3) Good night (626) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me

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  (206): Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me http://tfl.nu/vrj3
  Replies (2) Good night (603) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie

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  (320): For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie http://tfl.nu/swy2
  Replies (2) Good night (831) Bad night (354)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage

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  (317): i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage http://tfl.nu/80ag
  Replies (3) Good night (790) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.

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  (847): Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome. http://tfl.nu/8a7m
  Replies (0) Good night (380) Bad night (123)

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