my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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