She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
