Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
