if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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