dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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