I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize