Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
