that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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