is your mom at the bar?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
