I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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