Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
