fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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