How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
