So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
