either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
